Dove beauty products hates black people • May 24, 2011
By James May
On May 23, 2011 The Huffington Post ran a story about a "Dove Visible Care" ad called "'Dove VisibleCare' Ad Called Out For Being Racist." The story is about an ad that shows 3 women in towels standing in front of two large "before" and "after" panels that clearly show blow ups of sections of cracked and dry skin versus moisturized skin. Despite this, America's diversity thought police think it's an ad for skin lightening and evolutionary Darwinism or "Negro Retard Soap" and the accompanying poll one can click on to lodge a vote shows people believe the following as of this writing:
A. OFFENSIVE! And totally intentional. 25.89%
B. HARMLESS! There's no hidden message. 54.36%
C. Unsure. 19.75%
The woman on the left is black, the one in the middle is Asian Indian/Latina and the woman on the right is white. To some people the ad clearly actually shows one woman being transformed from an overweight negro into John Travolta's really hot wife by the simple application of dry skin cream - not that Travolta needs a wife if you know what I mean. In the TV version of the ad they put the cream on a piece of black granite and it turns into a gleaming white Mazzerati and drives away full of white blond girls in bikinis.
I think Dove should call the cream "Jekyll and Hyde Cure Cream" since it so clearly transforms ugliness into a charming siren. Or maybe it could be called "She-Hulk Transformative Powder." "She-Hulk, SMASH, baby!"
It is rare to see such careful documentation that shows that approximately only half of America's population should be allowed to drive a car, vote or even leave the house and are in fact either near or utter morons.
26% of Americans believe a major world-wide distributor of skin care products is run by a bunch of high-school dorks who like to put "hidden" messages in ads to make fun of people of color. I guess Dove was inherited by a 12 year old snotty kid like an evil Richie Rich who commands such racist pranks while sitting behind a giant desk and ordering adults about to do his every whim while he shoots them with a spit ball gun and has them empty chocolate sport shakes into a 55 gallon drum he sucks at with a giant straw.
In the Russian version of the Dove ad it appears at first that they actually wish to be darker but since they read imagery from right to left rather than left to right, they are also in fact a nation of even worse racists than America unless you think Russians actually want to be an overweight negro minstrel in a towel with ashy, cracked skin. On the Russian TV version of the ad the Ferlin Husky song "On the Wings of a Snow White Dove" is playing while a black woman with a banjo and grass skirt steps into a shower and emerges as tennis star Maria Sharapova covered in baby oil.
Since it is apparent that many more Americans can't read or reason than I had thought, it leads me to two conclusions: one is that many Americans only visit web sites because there are pretty pictures and shiny things to click on. The other conclusion is that about half of all Americans should be put into some kind of internment or re-education camps that address logic and judgment skills. They shouldn't be let out until they can tell the difference between a photo of a Klansman in a white hood, a Nazi stormtrooper, and a cute little kitty cat lying on a pink pillow.
I have inset a photo I stole off the internet of the imagined evolutionary rise of humankind and inset it into the America version of the ad in order to show what a quarter of all Americans see when they look at this ad. To me the only controversy about this ad involves the idea that people who see it as racist are actually humans rather than some kind of barrel with arms and legs.
In that sense, if the picture of the rise of man through the different phases of evolution were up to date and included hyper-sensitive politically correct yahoos, it would have a few more pictures after Homo Erectus that would show a Sleestak from "Land of the Lost" with a Che Guevara t-shirt followed by a picture of a puddle of slime wearing bi-focals followed by an H.G. Wells morlock followed by Kanye West at which point the sun would cough and go out.
This story reminds me of a similar controversy involving things that look human and speak last summer where the Los Angeles chapter of the NAACP held a press conference to denounce a Hallmark graduation card with an outer space theme that had a recorded voice making fun of black holes in outer space. The NAACP felt that what the card actually said was "black ho's" or whatever words black folks use for "whore" and that Hallmark Cards was making fun of black people cuz Hallmark is racist and doesn't like black people except to make fun of them. Since it is a graduation card no one is sure how it came to the attention of the black community.
The card ends by saying "watch your back" and has a picture of the dog from "Scooby-Do" dressed as "Rerun" from "What's Happening!!" and holding a giant watermelon saying "Regrow Rigger" and then singing "Range Ruit" with some Ella Fitzgerald jazz scat "Rooby, rooby, do!" I'm not sure what the problem was there and since no one from the NAACP has ever acted like a smug and unreasonable moron it's clearly a case of the immovable object against an invulnerable force.
To offset the negative image of the black community from the Hallmark Card incident, a new animated detective series called "Snoop Doggy Dog, Where Is Youse Ho's 'n' Bitches 'n' Shit!" has reportedly been given the green light by Black Entertainment Television and is being produced by Bill Cosby.
Next down the evolutionary scale of human intelligence after that dust up is the July, 2008 story of the Dallas, TX county commissioners' meeting where a white guy was stupid enough to use a "certain astronomical phenomenon" term in front of 2 black guys and I'll refer to that term as the "B" word since it seems to have officially entered the black American ebonics dictionary as another version of the "N" word. Oh, hell - I'll say it right out: a white guy said "black hole" in front of not one, but two black guys both of whom demanded an apology. Yes friends, scientific jargon is laced with the same unconscious racism as the white supremacist zombie douchebags at Dove products.
Later one of the black guys named Wiley Price set the record straight outside the building and on camera that he was actually much stupider outside a building than inside one: "So if it's 'angel food cake,' it's white. If it's 'devil's food cake,' it's black. If you're the 'black sheep of the family,' then you gotta be bad, you know. 'White sheep,' you're okay. You know?" Price said.
Yeah, Wiley; we "know".
Price added: "I think people should always be careful. You know, I'm okay if I'm 'bartering' with you. ... But if I try to 'Jew you down,' Oooooh. Is that racist? I thought it meant the same thing? No, maybe it doesn't."
Later on Mr. Price announced that he was suing Warner Bros. animation division for naming coyotes Wiley and showing them trying to run into the mouths of tunnels they had painted on the side of a hill themselves and then forgot about. "I'd catch that motherf__king roadrunner in a heartbleep," said Price. Mr. Price's attorney Inky (Nightshade) Mudwallow has not returned any of my calls to his beeper. After the interview Wiley got into a painted mural of a car on the side of a building and drove away before crashing into a giant painting of Martin Luther King. A painting of a "Freedom Riders" bus arrived and painted 6 stitches on Mr. Price.
Since the term "black hole" refers to a collapsing star rather than black prostitutes or whatever else you can squeeze from a turnip, one can only imagine any judge assigned to Wiley Price's case will have trouble establishing whether Mr. Price ever could think in the first place or whether his intellect collapsed at some unguessible time in the past into some kind of "black hole" where the laws of reality have broken down.
The verbal nunchucks in Dallas are available on YouTube if you need to laugh or cry although you can get much the same effect by inhaling laughing gas while squeezing your nuts as hard as you can. There are also videos here and here that show Wiley to be not only bereft of brain cells but possibly insane.
Here's one more link to a video about a guy who thinks white people should be exterminated just so I can show you what a muddy log with eyeballs looks like with a wig.
CNN's Soledad (the "Racist Hunter") O'Brien is tackling all these tough and naughty issues in an upcoming special called: "White In America: Racist Jerk-Offs".
As a follow-up to make sure everyone knows they're not just pretending to be morons, the Huffington Post had a weasel named Saki Knafo drone like an insect about how racist Madison Ave. is in an article deftly titled "Dove Ad Casts Spotlight On Madison Avenue Racism." With the advent of multi-media on the internet one wonders why the brains at the HuffPo didn't think to include a sad version of "Dixie" using violins and maybe with some pictures of sad clowns crying by a river.
Given Saki Knafo's massive intellect and predilection to find racism in pretty much whatever direction his head is pointing towards at the time, it's hard to conceive of how in the world a company like Dove could ever do anything right in his eyes.
Saki Knafo quotes a black ad man who can't understand why Madison Ave. doesnt think about race exactly like he does and so he started his own ad company whose racial make up I'm sure exactly reflects the demographic make-up of America even though he surprisingly decided to specialize in ads to black folks. This guy says "I would say that it would make more sense, when you think about it, that African Americans would be better at creating general assignment advertising for whites than whites would be at creating advertising for blacks. There's no way I can survive in this world if I don't understand white people, whereas white people can basically survive without ever having a meaningful interaction with a black person." In this case "understand" means understanding that white people are racists, even when they're too stupid to know it, like when they create ads only black people with their special vision can interpret.
Saki Knafo's black ad man understands that black people are totally different from white people and need to have products marketed to them in totally different ways because of the insane differences between the ways black folks and white folks drive cars, crap in a toilet and wipe their ass, clean their ass with soap, eat food, fly in airplanes, use salt, laptops, furniture, shoes, stereos, and pets.
Really what black ad man is getting at is that if you can show a world where there is a bottle of ketchup surrounded by black people with no white people in sight then black people will buy it because black folks like to fantasize about a world with no white people but with all the things only white people can make - I guess it's kinda like the movies where Godzilla destroys cities that only have Japanese folks except that Japanese folks actually can build a city.
But even black people wouldn't go to a science fiction movie that shows black people simply riding a rocket to the moon - a science fiction movie with only white people but with flying apes and 200 ft. tall worms would seem more realistic - even science fiction has its limits.
An alternative to all this "racist hunting" is to have Americans speak out with vicious take-no-prisoners satire that shows up these morons for the idiots they are for projecting there own stupid racism onto innocent ads. Lecture them the way adults lecture a child and make them feel ashamed rather than holding onto this modern American idea that all opinions are equally valid - insulation from peer pressure is what allows such stupid viewpoints. All opinions are not equally valid - some are moronic beyond belief and it is up to us to set at least some minimum standards of reason and logic and use peer pressure to smack these idiots down.
